Screw New Year’s Resolutions — Try This Instead
“New year, new you.” It’s a phrase you’ll often hear around the new year, and with some good reason. New Year’s may arrive just as any other day, but there is something undeniably special about the symbolism and collective excitement around starting fresh. After all, new beginnings are associated with hope, possibilities, curiosity and adventure. Who doesn’t want to believe in that?
The downside of the “new me” maxim is that, for many of us, it can bring up intense shame, guilt and a punitive drive for discipline. The typical approach to New Year’s resolutions involves staunch renunciation and/or adoption of behaviors and even personality traits that we believe will make us “better” (e.g. I will do strict Keto and lose 15 pounds; or I will become much smarter and read a book a week).
Shame, guilt and punishment dominate this approach because it operates from a fundamental belief that something is “wrong” with you to begin with. And guess what — nothing is wrong with you! Which is why I want to offer an alternative solution that lovingly acknowledges your capacity and journey towards growth, while simultaneously affirming that you are already whole and lovable. Behold, the sankalpa!
What is sankalpa?
Sankalpa comes from yogic philosophy, and it can be interpreted as a heartfelt desire, a vow and a resolve. Unlike the resolutions we know from the diet culture ilk, a sankalpa is not about eagerly making changes to address superficial or egoic “imperfections.”
ParaYoga founder Rod Stryker explains, San refers to a connection with the highest truth, and kalpa means vow, or “the rule to be followed above all other rules.” The resolve in a sankalpa is about honoring the deeper meaning of your life (in case you need to hear this, your highest truth is not that you need to make yourself more superficially desirable to others).
A sankalpa is typically framed as a positive, present-tense statement that affirms your heartfelt desire as though it were already true. I, for example, worked with “I am love” in 2019, and “I am enough” in 2018. You could also work with any other affirmation, such as “I am whole,” “I am abundance,” “I am gratitude,” “I am healing” or “I am forgiveness.”
How do I find my sankalpa?
The best way to find a sankalpa is through heartfelt reflection. I highly recommend meditation to tap into this (I wrote an article about starting a meditation practice — you could even do a 5-minute guided sankalpa practice on my favorite free app Insight Timer); even if you have a few minutes where you can simply practice bringing mindful attention to your breath, this is a great space to cultivate that opening and curiosity.
The next step is to reflect on what comes up for you. The key here is giving yourself safety to be honest about what is showing up for you underneath the seemingly shallower desires. Perhaps you have already contemplated some resolutions for the new year that can offer you some clues.
For example, if you have resolutions about making your body smaller, give yourself loving space to explore what’s underneath that — is there a feeling of not being good enough or lovable as you are? Or if you’re completely intent on finding a romantic partner — is there an underlying fear around loneliness or being incomplete?
I recommend writing down whatever ideas come to you. As you reflect on these ideas, notice in your body how it feels when you frame them in these positive, present-tense affirmation statements. It’s okay if it feels a bit goofy to say at first, but does a specific concept resonate more with your innermost, heartfelt dreams and wishes?
There is no “right” or “wrong” sankalpa; you can always change it up later if it doesn’t end up feeling right, but try to use this as a practice of deep internal listening. This is a gift you are giving to yourself, of which you are extraordinarily worthy.
Once you have a sankalpa, practice saying it aloud three times with the vigor of it being already true. Write it three times in the same manner.
The practice
You can say your sankalpa to yourself aloud or mentally three times in the morning, before bed, and/or whenever you’re needing a reminder of who you really are. I recommend supporting the practice with regular meditation (again, even just a minute or two of conscious breathing).
Early in the year when I find my sankalpa, I enjoy doing a 40-day sadhana (a practice of deliberate reflection) to more deeply integrate it into my life. As part of this, I journal and meditate to identify some behaviors that will help my intention be realized. I also identify a vikalpa (an illusion, obstacle or fantasy) that may detract from my ability to cultivate my sankalpa, and commit to diminishing.
For example, in 2019 I was working with a deeply held belief that I was not inherently lovable. A lot of that was manifesting in my belief that I couldn’t take care of myself — particularly through nourishment — and that I didn’t deserve to feel good. I was smoking a lot of weed and often eating takeout or a big bag of peanut butter pretzels for dinner. The cycle felt like a trap.
As part of my 2019 sankalpa, “I am love,” I decided to learn to cook healthy food myself through an exploration of Ayurveda. I committed to making at least one home-cooked Ayurvedic recipe for myself for 40 days. To amplify these efforts, I identified substances as my vikalpa, and gave up smoking for 40 days so I would have less of a reason not to cook. I ended that 40-day period feeling a burst of love and hope that I had forgotten or perhaps never noticed existed within me all along. And if I slipped up? No problem ❤
If those other things that you may have originally created resolutions for are important (e.g. if you really do feel called to become physically stronger, adopt a vegetarian diet, or spend more time with your dog), a sankalpa will enable you to accomplish these with greater poise and support, because you will be coming from a place of deep love and purpose, rather than a fear of failing or disappointing someone.
You can begin this practice at any time. I like to set my sankalpa in January and work with it for the whole year, but you should follow whatever brings you joy. Know that continued repetition of an affirmation increases your brain’s ability to deeply internalize the message and register that in the rest of your body and being (neurons that fire together wire together!).
Know that whatever you are looking to cultivate in your life, you deserve to experience absolute joy, love, health, fulfillment and peace. May your new year and decade be healing and sweet!
